kYeEsHa

theres something bothering me. i cant talk about it... but its the only thing im thinking about. what have i done? i can think of few things-(pardon the lack for better word) worse than what ive done. i mean i could be over-reacting.. or am i being sensible? i cant make the entire decision... its too hard, and theres certain people that cant know... it isnt illegal... but somehow i feel like it is. i need to find the light of this black hole!! this heavenly, but at the same time, cheating, lying, angering black hole!

well today was indeed my first day of highschool!! for one, the boys are getting bigger and less mature. whoopee. they run up and down the hallways tackling eachother and yelling and just being plain annoying. :P and theyre all ugly!! whats up with that?!?!? nothing nice to look at?!?! D: at least nobody smells anymore. B.O. is less of an issue-- ya know. everyone suddenly decides: "hey, maybe i should take a shower more than twice a week now!!" Well all my teachers are great, and so is my school. its so NEW! they have LCD TVs in EVERY CLASSROOM. yeah. LG high-def TVs. mmhm yeah. ive had the same 200 pound monster in my living room since

is it stupidity? or is it... HECK! i dont even know! i wish i could just see him every once and a while, or i just wish i didnt like him so much.. then i wouldnt think about him all the time, maybe? im not sure. was i smart to go after him while i could? we always talk about it over the phone... how many miles away we are from eachother.. how much we miss eachother.. we laugh and smile and think.. i really wish they were right in front of me, smiling. today i got a letter in the mail.. from a friend.. of us.. sitting together, smiling. its really a good picture, i might even post it. it makes me want to cry. i miss him. :tears: b